Why I Hate Fords

Why do I hate Fords? Why do I refuse to drive them unless I have no choice? And why will I never, ever, ever own a FoMoCo product? Here’s a basic run down for why I hate Fords:

Ford is the most recalled vehicle in American vehicular history. Hands down.

Ford. The recipient of more government bailout money than ANY other car manufacturer in world history.

But those are merely reasons why YOU should hate Fords and those are barely just starting points about why I personally hate Fords.

Read on for details:

Ford is the holder of the title of “single largest vehicular recall in world history for a single automotive brand.” 1980: 23 MILLION vehicles in ONE recall due to shitty transmissions and build quality.  From 1966 through 1980 more than 23 million Ford, Mercury, and Lincoln vehicles were built with the C3, C4, C6, FMX, and JATCO automatic transmissions. These pile-of-shit transmissions had a major manufacturing defect (in addition to being the weakest 3 speed automatic transmission ever to be lazily slapped behind an American V8 engine). Their Park detents were made out of very low quality metal alloy that after mere days of use would wear off and become rounded. This made it so the vehicle operator would think they were placing their shitbox Furrd (coincidentally, perfectly rhymes with turd), into Park. But instead the transmission would actually be in Reverse. Investigations into the causes of this manufacturing defect found that Furrd engineers knew about the problem well before any vehicle was ever sold with these total garbage automatic transmissions, but decided that the cost of fixing it was not worth it in the “big picture” since they figured that it wouldn’t be that big of a deal. This defect in design, workmanship, and parts just to save a few bucks resulted in more than 6000 accidents and over 100 deaths over a 14 year time period.

In fact, reading the investigations of every single one of the Furrd recalls in the top ten recall lists, show that Furrd engineers and executives KNEW about the defects and about their potential repercussions BEFORE a single one of the affected vehicles was ever sold. That makes every one of the more than 7500 injuries and hundreds of deaths pre-meditated murder or attempted pre-meditated murder. Fucking shitbag losers.

Holder of the title of “second largest vehicular recall in world history”? You guessed it right! Ford. 1996: 8 million vehicles. Nearly 14 times the size of the recent Volkswagen “dieselgate” recall.

Furrd holds 4 of the 10 spots on the list of largest recalls in all of automotive history, including both #1 and #2. Their other appearances on this list of infamy, cheapness, and laziness are #5 and #7. GM also holds 4 of the 10 spots on that same list, appearing at #3, #4, #8, and #10. Rounding out the other 2 spots are Toyota at #6 and Volkwagen and Honda tying for the #9 spot. Chrysler doesn’t even make an appearance until #15. Here are several links to more about this largest recall, ever, in the entire world of automotive history:

A Little Warning Label

Biggest Auto recalls Ever

Top Ten Largest Recalls in American History
(this one shows Furrd holding the top THREE spots rather than just the top two but still shows Furrd with 4 of the 10 spots)

Ford Transmission Failures

On other lists of automotive recalls we find terms like “notorious” and “infamous, rather than “largest.” On these lists you find a VERY outsize representation of Furrd products.

A list of 5 of the most notorious automotive recalls where Furrds make 2 appearances (notably at #1 and #2 yet AGAIN):

5 Most Notorious Recalls of All Time

And a list of the 10 Most “infamous” automotive recalls of all time where Furrd shitboxes fill SIX of the 10 available giant turd slots (including YET AGAIN #1 and #2 and further shit-assing their obliviously, fucked-up way into spots #4, #5, #9, and #10):

Top Ten Most Infamous Car Recalls Ever

So on all of these lists we can clearly see the giant piles of radioactive refuse that Furrd continually foists on the gullible humans who idiotically continue wiping their asses with their money by throwing it away on Furrd garbage.

Let’s put those recalls in perspective shall we? Furrd’s recalls have affected more than 40 MILLION vehicles since 1969. AND the SMALLEST of their top ten recall appearances is more than 4.1 MILLION vehicles in a single shot. By comparison, the recent Volkswagen “dieselgate” recall only affects 580,000 vehicles. Which is BARELY 2.5% of the vehicles that were subject to that ONE recall (23 million vehicles) by that ONE brand (Fucking Furrd) in ONE year (1980). The huge Takata airbag recall affected 34 million vehicles across the entire world and nearly every brand and product line of nearly every vehicle manufacturer. Ford had a recall 68% of the size of that BY THEMSELVES. This 23 million vehicle recall would have cost Ford a whopping $7.711 BILLION in 1979 dollars (or $25.81 billion in today’s dollars…or more than 57% of their TOTAL market value in Spring 2017).

Holder of the title of “most total vehicles recalled”? If you guessed Ford again you are 100% correct. Ford has recalled well over 40 million total vehicles in its 114 year history. And recalls didn’t even start happening until 1969. How many more millions of Furrd vehicles should have been recalled in the 66 years BEFORE recalls were even a thing?! The Dodge brothers quit working for Henry Ford for two reasons: they didn’t like how shitty and cheaply he wanted them to make the parts he commissioned them to make and Good-Old-Skinflint-Cheap-Ass, Henry the Card-Carrying, Nazi-supporting, Jew-Hating, Racist, kept stiffing them on the money he owed them for those same shitty parts. So they figured they would go off and start their own car company with better parts and higher quality cars. Which is EXACTLY what they did. GM comes in second place in this contest of fuck-ups with BARELY over 20 million…BARELY HALF of the total Ford recalls. Chrysler doesn’t even crack the top ten most recalled car brands having barely 14 million total recalled vehicles as of the date of this blog post.

Vehicle problems that have resulted in a recall on Furrd vehicles have resulted in more than 7500 total injuries, hundreds of additional human deaths, and the loss of dozens of homes due to fires cause by faulty Furrd shit parts. No other vehicle manufacturer in the WORLD has had more injuries or deaths attributed to their vehicles than Ford!

Nothing happens in a vacuum you might point out, and you are correct. Ford has been making vehicles longer than the other two companies (unless you count GM from 1897 when Olds started his company), so they have had more time to make mistakes and then have to correct them you might also point out. So, lets put those numbers in context: Ford has manufactured 372 million vehicles in 113 years. An average of just under 3.3 million per year since 1903. In that time they have recalled more than 40 million of those vehicles or just under 11% of the total vehicles they have manufactured. Ford has averaged right at 340,000 vehicle recalls per year BUT ONLY if you count back to 1903. But since 1969 was when the NHTSA was created and imbued with the power to force a car company to recall vehicles, we should REALLY be counting from there. So Furrd has REALLY averaged 833,333.33 recalled vehicles PER YEAR since 1969.

GM has manufactured more than 520 million vehicles in its 119 year history (if you trace all the way back to the founding of Oldsmobile). Which is an average of 4.91 million vehicles manufactured per year since 1897. With a recall of 20 million of those 520 million+ vehicles they have a total recall rate of barely 3.8%. Which translates into a yearly average recall rate of 416,666.67 vehicles per year since 1969…less than HALF the rate of Ford.

Chrysler has produced more than 250 million vehicles in its 102 year history (starting in 1916 with Dodge), with an average manufacturing rate of  about 2.45 million per year, and with a total number of recalls of 14 million which works out to be a recall rate of less than 6%. Or about 291,666.67 vehicles recalled per year since 1969. This is barely 1/3 of the rate of average Furd vehicle recalls.

You want reliable? Buy a General Motors or Chrysler product from any year. You are less than half (or 50% for GM and as low as 35% for Chrysler) as likely to have a recall than if you buy a Ford from any year.

Thus we come to Ford’s third shitbag title: “highest recall rate of any automobile manufacturer in world history”: Ford. More than 40 million vehicles recalled JUST since 1969 which translates to between 10.7% and just less than 11% of all Ford vehicles ever built have been subject to a recall for defective parts or workmanship. Nearly double the rate of the next closest American vehicle manufacturer.

On top of those scintillating titles, Furrd fans will brag that during the most recent automotive bailout that Ford was not bailed out. This is a flat out lie and bullshit spewed by uninformed morons who don’t bother to fact check anything before they shit it out of their mouths. We shall get to that momentarily, but first we need to go farther back into the past for the FIRST of Ford’s TWO SEPARATE bailouts by the US government. Yes, that is correct, Ford has been bailed out TWICE in its 113 year history by the US government. The first bailout happened in 1980 when Ronald Reagan decided unilaterally (that is without the approval of Congress and by Executive Order…you know those evil things Republitards are always yelling about Barrack Obama supposedly abusing) to remove the recall power from the NHTSA JUST for this ONE recall, in order to prevent Ford from going bankrupt for its pending 23,000,000 vehicle recall on its totally garbage and universally shitty and weak automatic transmissions (which as a reminder would have cost them more than 7.7 BILLION in 1979 (or more than 25 BILLION in 2016 dollars).

Then again in 2009, during the Recession, Ford REQUESTED and accepted 5.9 billion (6.67 billion in 2016 dollars) in bailout loan money from the US government. So unlike what those whiny, bitch-ass Ford apologists are totally uninformed (or willfully ignorant) of, Ford DID take bailout money under the US government TARP legislation (aka bailout). On top of this, Ford’s finance arm, Ford Credit, took another 15.9 billion (17.97 billion in 2016 dollars) in loans at the same time. So let’s add all that up and compare all that to GM’s ONE total US government bailout, and Chrysler’s two US government bailouts. For convenience we shall use all dollar figures adjusted to 2016 dollar amount equivalents.

Ford: 25.81 billion + 17.97 billion +6.67 billion = 50.45 billion US taxpayer dollars in bailout money (or forgiven fines) since 1980 between both its manufacturing and finance arms.

GM: 49.5 billion dollars total, between both its manufacturing and finance arms.

Chrysler: 1.5 billion + 11.96 billion = 13.46 billion.

Since the 2009 bailout of ALL THREE major US car manufacturers, I have often heard Furrd (don’t forget it rhymes with turd) Fanboys disparagingly refer to General Motors and Chrysler both as “Government Motors” (although mostly it was GM). But if we look at total taxpayer dollars and bailout money loaned from or forgiven by the US government, we can CLEARLY and unequivocally see that there is only ONE true holder of the title “Government Motors,” and that can only be Ford…by more than a BILLION dollars. Additionally, there is another very significant number we should be aware of about those billions of dollars loaned to Ford: they only paid back $24.64 billion of that total amount they owed the US government and citizens. Which means the US government wrote off/forgave nearly 26 billion dollars of taxpayer money in Furrd’s favor. (The exact number is 25.81 billion if you are interested…the total amount of the 1980 bailout/forgiveness that would have completely bankrupted and ended Ford as a company.)

GM has been bailed out only one time in its 116 year history. In 2009, the US government provided GM with the previously mentioned 49.5 billion in loans, but GM only repaid 39 billion of that amount, a more than 10 billion loss for the US taxpayers (but still less of a loss for the US government and taxpayer than Furrd’s 25.81 billion loss by nearly 2.5 TIMES).

Well, I must admit that Chrysler also got two bailouts. But, the difference is that yes, although Chrysler HAS been bailed out twice in its 102 year history, (just like Furrd) BOTH times they paid back 100% of the original loans PLUS interest and BOTH TIMES the loans were for 20 years but Chrysler paid them back in full PLUS interest in less than 3 years. Both times.

The first bailout loan was for 1.5 billion and was on a 20 year note. Chrysler paid it back within 3 years, along with an additional 350 million in additional interest (which was the total interest they would have paid on the 20 year note). So instead of taking the massive savings they would have enjoyed for paying the loan off 17 years EARLY, they paid back the entire amount of interest for the entire 20 year note…a HUGE profit for the US government and taxpayers. The second Chrysler bailout was for 11.96 billion and another 20 year note. And again Chrysler paid it back in full, with interest, within 3 years.

Let’s review:

Chrysler: lowest recall rate of ANY American car manufacturer. Ever (that is still in existence).

Chrysler: least costly car manufacturer to the American government and taxpayers by AT LEAST 10.35 billion dollars, for a total taxpayer bill of: dun dun dun 350 million dollars in PROFIT to the American taxpayer.

Chrysler: most profitable vehicle manufacturer for the US government and the US taxpayers: more than 350 million dollars in profit for those two groups of people.

The REAL “government motors”: Ford: more US government handouts than ANY other car company in world and in American history AND the most expensive American car manufacturer to the US government and taxpayers.

The REAL shitty-reliability rating: Ford: 40 million+ recalled vehicles with a recall rate of nearly 11% of all vehicles ever manufactured (much higher actually since as I pointed out earlier, recalls didn’t start until 1969). Additionally, Ford has recalled nearly TWICE as many vehicles total than BOTH its nearest rivals combined (40 million for Furrd versus about 22.5 million for GM and Chrysler combined).

Have YOU driven a Ford lately? If you have, and it wasn’t by choice (like me a few weekends ago) you have my sympathy. If you have, and its by choice, you are a willfully, blind, and ignorant tool who can’t read history and cant do simple math.

Plus, they are among the ugliest American cars ever made. Don’t believe me? Let’s review some of Ford’s vehicular “highlights”:

Making regular appearances in the ugliest car of all time spot, the ever-hated, and irredeemable Ford Pinto…made even worse in its wagon form (and don’t forget when you rear-end them they explode and Furrd designers knew this BEFORE they ever sold the very first one. AND the issue could have been fixed by a $2 steel plate, but Furrd thought peoples’ lives were worth less than that 2 dollar steel plate and that the total lawsuits would be less than the total cost of all those plates):

Appropriate titles for the next entry from Furrd: The car that no one ever liked, The car that nearly destroyed Ford, The only car to ever feature a chrome vagina for a front grill, Bloated Monstrosity of Leprous Horrors, The fifth worst, and ugliest car, ever made in America (less ugly than the Pinto, the Gremlin, the Pacer, and the Mustang II but uglier than the Aztek) (note to Furrd designers: putting vaginas on car grills is generally not a great marketing strategy, when your market is the descendants of the puritanical protestant people who left corrupt old Elizabethan and Victorian England behind, because they were too liberal and sexually bankrupt). I give you the Edsel Corsair:

Hot off the preceding dishonorable mention we have the ever malignant and perpetually maligned Mustang II (note to Ford designers and engineers: trying to market a paper-mache version of the Furrd Pinto as a “performance car” and attaching a previously successful nameplate to a pile of shit rust magnet whose rear axles were known for falling off at random and inexplicable intervals and then staking the company’s entire future on it is probably not a good idea…<sarcasm> it’s no wonder why Furrd had to be bailed out during the era of the Pinto and Rustang II):

Our next gem of a Furrd got pawned off on our linguistic cousins across the pond in Merry Old England and makes a guest appearance as a demon-possessed (yes I know it is supposedly enchanted not possessed) pile of shit in one of the Harry Potter movies, the Furrd Anglia (probably so named because of all the shitty weird angles the cross-eyed and drooling designer randomly attached to it):

Next up in our list of “gorgeous” Furrd standouts we have yet another bloated mess of shitboxery hilariously categorized by stoned-out-of-their-minds Furrd marketing morons as a “personal luxury coupe,” the 1978 Furrd Thunderbird (Thunderdud is much more appropriate as a name):

Next up is the also 23 years pregnant, retaining water, like the Hoover Dam, Toucan-beaked monstrosity of a cousin to the pile of shit immediately above…the 1980 Furrd Ranchero

And last but not least in our gallery of homeless, unwashed, bastard, step-children we have the melted pile of shit meth-addicted soccer mom favorite commuter car, the 1996 Furrd Taurus:

And those are just a handful of Furrd’s “stellar” creations.

Does that answer your question about why I hate Fords?

If not let me throw these two other factual tidbits in your face while laughing my ass off:

1. Although the Chevy small block is the engine that has been produced in higher numbers than any other engine in history and over a longer period of time than any other engine in history, it is NOT the engine that holds the most racing records across all types of racing. That honor belongs to the Chrysler Hemi family of engines. The Gen I (1951-1958), the Gen II (1964-1971), and Gen III (2003-Present) have only been in production for a total of 28 years (compared to the 62 year continuous to date production run GM small block). Despite this more than 50% less production time, no other engine family has won more races, and is in more race cars than the Chrysler Hemi engine. Ever. EVERY. Single. Top Fuel and Funny Car racer has a Chrysler design Hemi engine in their car. NOT ONE have a Ford or GM engine. NOT ONE.
2. These engines are the most powerful rotational piston motors that have ever powered a vehicle on asphalt or concrete (the only piston engines more powerful are some diesels on large ships). These Chrysler designed Hemi engines generate upwards of 10,000 horsepower from barely 500 cubic inches of displacement and weigh barely 500 pounds while generating more than 16 horsepower per cubic inch of displacement. By comparison the largest and most powerful diesel piston engines ever built (the Wärtsilä-Sulzer RTA96-C engines ) generate about 109,000 horsepower (or just about 11 times the power of a Top Fuel Hemi) but is more than 44 feet tall, over 87 feet long, and weighs more than 2300 tons (more than 4600 times the weight of a Top Fuel Hemi). This 14 cylinder diesel engine displaces more than 111,000 cubic inches (or more than 222 times the displacement of a Top Fuel Hemi). Which gives this engine a Horsepower per Cubic Inch generation of less than 1:1 where the Top Fuel Hemi generates 16 Horsepower for every 1 Cubic Inch (or more than 16 times the power to weight ratio of that huge diesel).The Chrysler Hemi (in its Top Fuel/Funny Car form) generates more power to weight than any other piston driven engine in history. Ford and GM could only copy it to even come close to its power levels. The baddest ass Ford motor ever built (the Boss 429 is a barely-not-infringing-Chrysler’s-patent-design-and-trademark of their Hemi engine).

And that, my dear readers is why I absolutely abhor Fords and why I am partial to glorious, beautiful, sexy, fast, and stunning Mopar’s and mostly tolerate GM products.

Happy motoring!

Ranticus